THE LABOR OF MOURNING

THE LABOR OF MOURNING
by Livia Crozzoli Aite
Edited by Martina Fino

In this article, the author explores the cultural and symbolic shift surrounding death within our society. In the past, it was a transformative and socially shared event. Today, however, it is a silent event experienced in solitude.

The dimension of dying has been banished from our consciences and our homes. Currently, more than 70% of people die in hospital. Furthermore, death is rarely shared. Only with the recent palliative care law (No. 39/1999) and the activities of volunteer associations has Italy focused attention on this important phase of life.

The loss of a significant person brings with it enormous suffering, known as grief or mourning. In reality, these two terms, used synonymously in everyday language, have a particular nuance of meaning. Grief means "suffering of the heart" and aptly represents the metaphor of suffering both on a physical level, as a spasm of the heart. Furthermore, it also represents it on an emotional level, as a loving longing for the deceased.

Grief is a feeling experienced not only in the event of death, but whenever significant external and internal objects are lost or must be let go. Grief differs in the finality and irretrievability of the loss. The term mourning refers to both the collective rituals belonging to one's culture and the reactions psicologiche.

Grief is a universal experience, but it is lived in its own unique ways and at its own pace. However, the death of a loved one generates difficulties that shake us deeply, as if an earthquake had struck, followed by aftershocks.

We can talk about anticipatory mourning when we prepare ourselves for the loss by prefiguring it; while we talk about actual mourning after the death of a loved one. The process of mourning process it concerns not only the family members, but also and above all the dying person.

The needs, the fears and the wishes of a dying person are those of a living person, made more urgent however in the face of the imminence of death. Often the phases psicologiche and the times of the family and the dying person do not coincide.

The process of mourning outside of pathology must be considered as a “psychic work that begins, develops and concludes”.

How can the grieving process be supported?

It's important to explore the meaning of losing that figure for your life and the nature of your relationship. You need to look at the whole person, the positive and negative aspects.

The goal of grief resolution is to develop a new internal relationship with the deceased, a new form of love made of "absence plus acute presence." Through therapy, one can learn to recognize and contain one's suffering, without being trapped by them; one can learn to recognize fears, resources, and desires for the future.

When the focus shifts from the deceased to oneself, it means acceptance of the loss is occurring. However, the risks of unresolved grief, which can even develop into a psychiatric disorder, are well known. Furthermore, the variables that determine whether grief is normal or pathological are its duration (more than a year) and its intensity.

The grieving process is a real ordeal, as the author defines it. In fact, it involves a process of acceptance and separation, just like the labor of childbirth. The process of union-separation-individuation It's the same. However, the situation is very different.

What is the meaning of mourning?

Death reminds us of our transience and forces us to make profound changes, reminding us of the importance of achieving a separate and distinct identity and recognizing the relational and affective component that we continue to experience in encounters with others.