What is the paradoxical theory of change?
To put it briefly it is this: Change happens when one becomes what one is, not when one tries to become what one is not. Change is only possible if a person truly takes on the responsibility and effort of being who they are and what they do.
The Gestalt therapist rejects the role of the “changer,” because his aim is to help the patient become himself, that is, to be here where he is and what he is.
Change does not occur through "coercion" by the therapist who tells the patient what he or she must do to feel better.. Paradoxically, it is exactly the coercion that people seek when they begin a course of therapy, and it's precisely what in Gestalt psychotherapy is not satisfied. Most people turn to the therapist with the fateful question: “Doctor, tell me what I should do?”going in search of another MUST that doesn't really allow the person to change. Change can happen when the patient abandons, at least for a moment, what he would like to become and tries to be what he is. Perls, the founder of Gestalt psychotherapy, states:
“We cannot deliberately induce change, either in ourselves or in others. This is a crucial point: many people dedicate their lives to realizing their conception of how they 'should' be, instead of realizing themselves.”
Arriving in therapy, the person seeks change and is in conflict between at least two opposing polarities. They move constantly between what they "should be" and what they "would like to be," never fully identified with either one. The Gestalt therapist asks the person to fully explore both roles, one after the other. The patient, whichever role they start with, soon shifts to the other. The Gestalt therapist helps the patient to be what they are in the here and now of the session, learning to know all the parts that inhabit it and then making informed choices.
The paradoxical theory of change is one of the foundations of my work as a psychotherapist in Florence.
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