THE POWER OF SELF-ESTEEM

Dr. Martina Fino

Psychologist-Gestalt Psychotherapist

What do I think of myself?

The answer to this question inevitably influences our behavior and the outside world's perception of us. Self-esteem, whether positive or negative, tends to generate self-fulfilling prophecies.

So, I think I'm inadequate and act like it? Eventually, others will believe it too and act accordingly. Or, I've achieved some good things, but I think I don't deserve them? Eventually, I'll find a way to self-sabotage. The value we place on ourselves is far more powerful than the value others place on us. Our inner judge is always the one who makes the final decision.

Self-esteem is a basic human need; We don't just want to have a positive evaluation of ourselves, we definitely need it.Consciously or unconsciously, we are all vulnerable to the judgment we place on ourselves. Self-esteem has a strong survival value and is essential for healthy development. Low self-esteem can lead us to develop various psychological problems, ranging from traits such as shyness and insecurity to actual psychopathological symptoms, especially in the area of ​​personality disorders.anxiety, mood and diet.

Self-esteem, as defined by American psychotherapist Branden, is:

- confidence in our ability to think and deal with life situations, otherwise known as sense of efficacy.

- confidence in our right to be worthwhile and to assert ourselves, otherwise known as self-respect.

Can someone with low self-esteem increase their sense of efficacy and self-respect?

Si, è quello che l’individuo fa a determinare il livello di autostimaSelf-esteem is not static and unchangeable, and even if undermined by unproductive life experiences (especially in childhood), it can be restored. Psychotherapist Branden, considered a pioneer in the field of self-esteem, illustrates six specific "practices" that, if undertaken with consistency and discipline, can help build good self-esteem.

Here are the six pillars of self-esteem:

• Living consciously: recognizing our personal needs, goals, and values, that is, learning to ask ourselves, “Given this situation, what do I want to do?” Living consciously means constantly listening to what I feel, think, and want to do.

• Accepting yourself: knowing and accepting everything we are: our resources and limitations. It's the willingness to acknowledge, rather than deny, our feelings, thoughts, and actions, especially when we don't like them and they're unpleasant. It means stopping self-deception. Accepting something we don't like doesn't mean resigning ourselves to the status quo, but it's the starting point that allows us to truly change. We can't motivate ourselves to change something whose reality we deny.

• Taking responsibility for your choices: Recognizing that we are solely responsible for our actions. We are responsible for how we use our time, the effort we put into our activities, the quality of our relationships, and our personal definition of "happiness." Taking responsibility for all these aspects is daunting, but it is a necessary step to experiencing personal power in our lives.

• Assert yourself: Legitimizing one's right to exist regardless of what others expect. It means respecting what I feel, think, and want without blaming myself for feeling, thinking, and acting differently, simply accommodating others' expectations. Asserting oneself requires a good dose of courage and experimenting with effective communication styles.

• Set a goal: create a real action plan made up of specific objectives and the actions to achieve them, monitoring the results of our actions from time to time in order to modify the objectives and/or the related actions.

• Staying true to your values: Respecting one's personal integrity, behaving with loyalty and consistency with our personal values. Sometimes, we may recognize that some of our personal values ​​appear to us as learned rather than truly shared; in these cases, it's necessary to question some irrational and dysfunctional beliefs that have often been passed down to us as good values ​​to pursue.

Working on these aspects without the help of a professional isn't always easy; but knowing about these practices is certainly a first step to starting to work on yourself. And if we don't achieve benefits on our own, we can always consider undertaking a psychotherapy pathOne of the functions that is common to all forms of psychotherapy is the strengthening of self-esteem.