A mother knows how to give roots and wings

"Parents give their children two things: roots and wings. The size and strength of the wings depends on the depth and strength of the roots."

This is a proverb that I propose again as the incipit for this brief reflection on the maternal function.

Who is a mother? Only the one who conceives?

No, every time we welcome and are present to another's needs for care and attention, we are experiencing what a mother is. A mother, first and foremost, knows how to welcome, just as she welcomes the fetus in the womb for nine months.

Yet a mother cannot simply be a welcoming and present presence. Being a mother also means knowing how to separate from her child, just as happens during the expulsive moment of labor.

The maternal womb, during labor, well represents the dual function of identification/separation that characterizes the mother-child relationship.

After welcoming the fetus for 9 months, providing it with a welcoming and protected place, which can be defined as a "heavenly" phase, with uterine contractions and the expulsive phase, the fetus experiences a "hellish" phase that will culminate with birth and separation from the mother, through the cutting of the umbilical cord.

Senza questa importante fase di separazione non nascerebbe né un figlio né una madre. La separazione, ovvero, la capacità di lasciar andare il feto, permette alla madre di esperire il non possesso del proprio figlio e di vedere in lui un essere vivente unico e irripetibile che non le appartiene.

A mother is not just a mother; she is also a woman, with personal passions and interests, capable of showing her child that he can and must separate himself in order to exist fully and become something other than himself.

How to create roots and give wings to your children?

As always, there is no magic formula, but I believe that feeling loved and desired is what we all need, even when we are in the womb.

Although not everyone has had direct experience of motherhood in their lives, we are all "children" and as such we have experienced how, in addition to the satisfaction of our primary needs (food, cleanliness, sleep), we need the "nourishment" of an emotional relationship.

So let's remember to tell our children, calling them by name, "DEAR... I'm always here with you, I love you always."

Words like this are the roots that children, even if they are now adults, always need and thanks to these roots, full of love and recognition, children learn to take flight with their own wings, because they have learned to repeat internally

“DEAR… I am always here with you, I love you always.”